Life After Buck – A Sister’s Perspective

As part of the BUCK Cancer Foundation’s 3-part series, Life After Buck, our president Lori Nonnemaker shares her perspective on moving on after losing her brother.

My brother Buck and I were always quite close, as we grew up and as adults.  We had the same likes and dislikes when it came to a lot of things; music, politics, humor.  I always knew that I had an ally when discussing a topic such as “saving the world” or a kindred soul when enjoying a good song or joke.  Buck wasn’t just my big brother, he was my best friend.  Losing him was very difficult.  After fighting cancer with him for two years; making every doctor’s appointment, bringing him lunch during his chemo weeks, and moving in with him in the last few months of his life, it was very difficult to “fill the void” after his death.  I didn’t know how I would ever make it without him.  His death left a huge hole (in my heart and in my life) and for several weeks after his death I didn’t know what to do…

Until one night in a dream Buck asked me “La, what did you do with all of your time before I got sick”, I told him “I had a life; a busy job, hobbies, great friends.”  He told me “why don’t you get back to that life and stop worrying about me.  I’m fine now!”  And it was true, my brother was fine.  He was with his Lord and finally after two years, was out of pain and feeling great.  And he was right, getting back to my life allowed the healing to begin.  It’s hard to think that it has been over a year since Buck passed away.  It was hard, initially, to find people to turn to for things you normally would have turned to Buck for.  But believe it or not, the void does get filled.  Maybe not completely but after 12 months, I can honestly say I’m in a much better place.  My life is getting back in order and Buck’s friends along with Jen and their four great kids have definitely helped fill the void.  Buck’s motto throughout his fight with cancer was “Day By Day” and that will be my motto as I live each year of my Life After Buck…day by day!